News in brief

Teen pop star steals whale song, whale sues

Teen sensation Justin Beiber is being sued by a Humpback whale accusing him of plagiarizing its whale song. Beiber denies the allegation in his mother's press release. However, the Humpback Whale claims Beiber heard its song while sailing in the Atlantic Ocean, "I remember because I was on my way to the Arctic for supper," it said.

Due to today's more efficient information sharing technologies, talentless artists are struggling to plagiarize other people's work, and they have had to resort to the animal kingdom for ideas to steal. Cases like this are becoming more and more common in the court rooms, with just last week a captive orangutan successfully suing Canadian-based techno group "Eye Tuky-or shit" for illegally looping its mating calls on one of their songs.



Vegetarian kills man

Lady Fingers, 43, has been arrested for the murder of 26 year-old avid meat-eater Frank Nuggets. Police raided her home after an anonymous tip led them to believe the murder was diet related. Fingers confessed to the murder after investigators used sudden flashes of ingenious insight to determine the perpetrator.

As a young woman, Miss Fingers had vowed to become a vegetarian, believing meat was murder and that all animals must be protected from it.When asked why humans did not fall into that category she replied, "Hah! Humans aren't animals! we wear clothes, see?"