Resolution sought to make Adhaalath shut the fuck up

Citizens are calling on the parliament to pass a resolution that will make it illegal for Adhaalath party members to open their big mouths on state matters. Adhalath party recently came under media spotlight after issuing various ultimatums to the government.

Some of their demands included removing the SAARC monuments, cutting diplomatic ties with Israel, closing down brothels, and increasing the country's 100% muslim status to a 110%. "Heathens are praying at the SAARC monuments uncontrolled and they're getting more followers everyday. How can Maldivians be so gullible?" said Adhalath party president. Our interviewer, caught in a fit of patriotism, promptly told him to shut the fuck up.

Maldives could easily reach 110% muslim status. said an Adhaalath party member. "The trick is to make the country so religious that it transcends the laws of mathematics. Next year we aim to go for 200%, but for that we may require a substantial population growth. So we encourage kids to forget about school and get married as soon as they hit puberty."

At a press conference Adhaalath party spokeswoman claimed Maldives should cut ties with Israel because of Israel's human rights abuses. Everybody at the conference found themselves laughing at this uncontrollably , with at least 3 reporters reportedly falling from their chairs. "Who is she to talk about human rights?" said one reporter in between gasps of breath. "My tummy hurts," said another.

Hundreds protested in the capital Male calling on Adhaalath to shut the fuck up. Their placards read, "Think about the economy," "You're embarrassing me," and "Shut the fuck up already," to only list a few.

Renowned political commentator Moosabe from the local market said, "Just imagine what we have to go through because of the stupid shit they keep saying over and over again. It used to be about intelligent conversation about our country, but now people only ask me to comment on the bullshit that these idiots come up with." At this point I made the mistake of telling him the joke about Wahhabis defending human rights and he could not continue.

"I wish they would just shut the fuck up," said Moosabe, teary-eyed after he regained himself.