News in brief

Sheikh Shaheem's debut film premieres in Maldives

Highly anticipated sex drama "Bodu Beyzaaru" premiered this week to an enthusiastic reception from ctitics and audience alike. In Sheikh Shaheem's debut role, he plays a conflicted married man who is forced to choose between his love for sex with his wives, and his love for casual sex with young women. Watch as he deals with the psychological trauma of having lots of sex, and weaves a web of lies to protect his double life. Audiences are promised a riveting movie experience as Shaheem repeatedly fails to keep his dick in his pants. Bodu Beyzaaru is set to premiere internationally next month.



Musician arrested for drinking and jamming

Newcastle, Oklahoma -- Police arrested Fred Winters, 24, for jamming under the influence of alcohol. Neighbors called 911 when they started hearing beautiful music coming from Winter's home. Police dispatched a strike team within minutes but the ordeal ended peacefully as an inebriated Winters emerged from his home in cuffs accompanied by S.W.A.T. officers.

It is criminal to play any musical instruments with a blood alcohol level above the legal limit in the south central state. The unusual law was passed in a fit of jealousy when a lawmaker couldn't play any tunes on his harmonica to impress his then girlfriend, after which a drunk musician totally aced a blues solo on the same harmonica.



Wahhabi thugs who attacked Human Rights Day activists finally arrested

Just kidding. They haven't been arrested.