Look! A Blog!

2012-01-18T13:41:00.000+05:00

"The combination of causes of phenomena is beyond the grasp of human intellect. But the impusle to seek causes is innate in the soul of man. And the human intellect, with no inkling of the immense variety and complexity of circumstances conditioning a phenomenon, any of which may be seperately conceived of as the cause of it, snatches at the first and most easily understood approximation, and says here it is the cause.

In historical events, where the actions of men form the subject of observation the most primitive conception of a cause was the will of the gods, succeeded later on by the will of those men who stand in the historical foreground - the heroes of history. But one had but to look below the surface of any historical event, to look, that is, into the movement of the whole mass of men taking part in the event, to be convinced that the will of the hero of history, so far from controlling the actions of the multitude, is continually controlled by them.

It may be thought that it is a matter of no importance whether historical events are interpreted in one way or in another. But between the man who says that the peoples of the west marched into the east, because Napoleon willed they should do so, and the man who says that the movement came to pass because it was bound to come to pass, there exists the same difference as between the men who maintained that the earth was stationary and the planets revolved about it, and the man who said that they do not know what holds the earth in its place, but they did know that there were laws controlling its motions and the motions of the other planets.

Causes of historical events - there are not and cannot be, save the one cause of all causes. But there are laws controlling these events; laws partly unknown, partly accessible to us. The discovery of these laws is only possible when we entirely give up looking for a cause in the will of one man, just as the discovery of the laws of the motions of the planets has only become possible since men have given up the conception of the earth being stationary."

Leo Tolstoy
War And Peace,1869

News in brief

2012-01-09T01:11:00.001+05:00

Sheikh Shaheem's debut film premieres in Maldives

Highly anticipated sex drama "Bodu Beyzaaru" premiered this week to an enthusiastic reception from ctitics and audience alike. In Sheikh Shaheem's debut role, he plays a conflicted married man who is forced to choose between his love for sex with his wives, and his love for casual sex with young women. Watch as he deals with the psychological trauma of having lots of sex, and weaves a web of lies to protect his double life. Audiences are promised a riveting movie experience as Shaheem repeatedly fails to keep his dick in his pants. Bodu Beyzaaru is set to premiere internationally next month.

Musician arrested for drinking and jamming

Newcastle, Oklahoma -- Police arrested Fred Winters, 24, for jamming under the influence of alcohol. Neighbors called 911 when they started hearing beautiful music coming from Winter's home. Police dispatched a strike team within minutes but the ordeal ended peacefully as an inebriated Winters emerged from his home in cuffs accompanied by S.W.A.T. officers.

It is criminal to play any musical instruments with a blood alcohol level above the legal limit in the south central state. The unusual law was passed in a fit of jealousy when a lawmaker couldn't play any tunes on his harmonica to impress his then girlfriend, after which a drunk musician totally aced a blues solo on the same harmonica.

Wahhabi thugs who attacked Human Rights Day activists finally arrested

Just kidding. They haven't been arrested.

Resolution sought to make Adhaalath shut the fuck up

2011-12-27T04:34:00.003+05:00

Citizens are calling on the parliament to pass a resolution that will make it illegal for Adhaalath party members to open their big mouths on state matters. Adhalath party recently came under media spotlight after issuing various ultimatums to the government.

Some of their demands included removing the SAARC monuments, cutting diplomatic ties with Israel, closing down brothels, and increasing the country's 100% muslim status to a 110%. "Heathens are praying at the SAARC monuments uncontrolled and they're getting more followers everyday. How can Maldivians be so gullible?" said Adhalath party president. Our interviewer, caught in a fit of patriotism, promptly told him to shut the fuck up.

Maldives could easily reach 110% muslim status. said an Adhaalath party member. "The trick is to make the country so religious that it transcends the laws of mathematics. Next year we aim to go for 200%, but for that we may require a substantial population growth. So we encourage kids to forget about school and get married as soon as they hit puberty."

At a press conference Adhaalath party spokeswoman claimed Maldives should cut ties with Israel because of Israel's human rights abuses. Everybody at the conference found themselves laughing at this uncontrollably , with at least 3 reporters reportedly falling from their chairs. "Who is she to talk about human rights?" said one reporter in between gasps of breath. "My tummy hurts," said another.

Hundreds protested in the capital Male calling on Adhaalath to shut the fuck up. Their placards read, "Think about the economy," "You're embarrassing me," and "Shut the fuck up already," to only list a few.

Renowned political commentator Moosabe from the local market said, "Just imagine what we have to go through because of the stupid shit they keep saying over and over again. It used to be about intelligent conversation about our country, but now people only ask me to comment on the bullshit that these idiots come up with." At this point I made the mistake of telling him the joke about Wahhabis defending human rights and he could not continue.

"I wish they would just shut the fuck up," said Moosabe, teary-eyed after he regained himself.

Controversial blogger arrested for calls of religious tolerance

2011-12-15T11:19:00.000+05:00

Liberal blogger Ismail Khilath Rasheed was arrested last night for advocating religious tolerance.

Speaking at a press conference police Chief Daniel Stevens said, "We don't really know why we arrested him. Obviously we cannot charge him with calling for tolerance because that's just silly." Chief Stevens was fired on the spot.

Newly appointed Chief Ibn Ibn told reporters that Rasheed was charged with being disliked by the Islamic Ministry, a capital offence in the small island nation. State Islamic Minister Mode was unavailable for comment, but his office confirmed that they hated Rasheed.

Rasheed and a small group of thinking humans, a very rare breed in the Maldives, recently came under scrutiny when they organised a silent protest whispering calls for religious freedom and tolerance. The protest was cut short when a group of angry monkeys attacked the peaceful activists. This led to the discovery of monkeys in Maldives.

So far it is unknown where these monkeys came from or why they targeted the activists. "Maybe they were hungry or something," said a student zoologist who had once skimmed through the wikipedia page on monkeys. "You know, like the way children get cranky when they're hungry or sleepy." She wished to remain anonymous for fear of backlash from the monkeys.

Experts say we can expect more free speech activists to get arrested, maybe even incarcerated like the old days, so long as Maldives pretends to be a democracy.

Wahhabis and Salafists hold rally for peace and tolerance

2011-12-11T03:23:00.001+05:00

Long viewed by the public as the epitome of ignorance and douchebaggery, Members from the Wahhabi and Salafi religious sects defied their mullah masters and held a rally at the artificial beach calling for peace and tolerance. The event titled "Islam Is A Religion Of Peace. Really. We Mean It This Time", was attended by a record breaking 100,000 Maldivians.

Speakers at the rally, which did not include Master Sheikh Fareedh and Sheikh Ilyas, called on Maldivians to respect other human beings like "fucking grown-ups" and to stop "stoning people whose only crime is to try and get along." When asked why he didn't participate at the rally Master Sheikh Fareedh replied, "organisers wanted people that actually believed in peace."

The rally was briefly interrupted by a violent group of secular activists who crashed the party. They kept calling for beheading the organisers of the rally, throwing rocks at peaceful activists and then playing the victim. Secularists aim to bring a barbaric medieval justice system inspired by the Dark Ages of Europe. It is founded upon various methods of torture designed for swift justice, especially for women.

Police sub-sub inspector Mayish said, "Yeah, so this happened."

Police Chief said, "I agree."

In any case, Islam Is A Religion Of Peace. Really. We Mean It This Time Rally continued after all the secularists went to buy drugs. The crowd's spirits were only lifted after the incident, which prompted them to call for even more peace and tolerance. "oh I don't know, maybe we can start being nice to animals too," mused one attendee.

The rally ended with musical performances by various local artists that included Bodu Beru, and a surprise appearance by pop legend Ali Rameez.

Hundreds converted by idolatrous SAARC monuments

2011-11-17T10:08:00.001+05:00

The recent attacks on the SAARC monuments were perpetrated by families of individuals who converted religions, investigators say. Over 300 people have been reported to have converted to other religions by the sheer charisma and persuasiveness emanated from the statues.

"I mean, who can resist that, seriously, now?" said one convert being interviewed while she was paying her respects to the bust of Mohamed Ali Jinah before it was stolen. She had chosen to worship Mohamed Ali Jinah after watching the unveiling ceremony on TV.

Ali (not real name), was on his way to the Sri-Lankan lion statue, his new God, to ask for forgiveness when an angry mob attacked him. The mob assured reporters that Ali was not brutally assaulted for his religious beliefs. "No, we attacked him because he's homosexual."

Meanwhile, demonstrations are being held by those who oppose the display of the foreign deities. Protesters protest their protests aren't being heard by the government.

"PROTEST LOUDER," called some protesters from the back. Alas, it still went largely unnoticed. It was almost as if shouting loudly did nothing to fill the vacuousness of the points raised in the demonstration.

Preliminary estimates suggest Maldives could become a 100% idolatrous state by the end of this year if the monuments are not removed soon. A source with inside knowledge of these results said, "we did some numbers, plus faith subtracted by reason over Quran x Hadith², and this is it. This is the result we get. We're going to be an idolatrous nation by the end of 2011."

...oohh shit.

More racism from Maldives

2011-09-26T14:19:00.002+05:00

Apparently there is a petition going on to prevent US embassy officials from carrying out its green card campaign in the Maldives.

The grounds for the petition? "non-Muslims are trying to introduce poker to the Maldives." Wtf, right?

You'd think that when somebody petitions the government, they'd at least try to make a point.
Well you're wrong.

Reason, and actually making sense, is for foreign kafir atheist homosexual Christians, not Maldivians! We cannot be inconvenienced by such standards of communication! Where do you find the time when you're too busy hating whole races of people?

What is it about us that makes us think we're better than everybody else? I know that being a "100% Muslim country" is pretty awesome, and it makes us Number One. But isn't it about time we realized that we will not survive in the modern world if we keep alienating other countries? President Anni and his government officials are of course very amicable to international audiences. But when those audiences arrive in the Maldives there seldom goes a time when there isn't a reaction, from the public or even some elements of the government, that is outright hostile.

This behavior isn't reserved just for foreigners. We're also hostile to our own! I'm sure you've noticed, so I won't go there.

Therefore, I don't think we are just "anti-Israel," or "anti-American." No.

Maldivians are anti-human. We're intellectually incapable of grasping the scope of human suffering, and it makes us apathetic and hostile towards our fellow species. Simple human emotions like empathy elude us.

We cannot comprehend the vast, infinite range of human experience; therefore diversity is unacceptable.

Personal Growth

2011-09-15T16:42:00.001+05:00

The system is not perfect. I think everybody knows this, and, not counting the idealists (perhaps like myself), some have even come to terms with it. But it seems to me where the system does not work, it should at least be open to correction.

Of course, in order to correct a wrong, especially in something of such a grand scale as a government, we need to be able to talk about it in a frank and direct manner. It should be a matter of debate in the public sphere; an honest exchange of ideas from which we can all grow. It is this growth that is stunted when we disallow freedom of thought.

One cannot hope for a better country, with better laws, better judges, and a competent parliament, when one does not recognize the virtues of free speech.

Come election day, and who do we gather behind? Will it be the candidate who faces the real problems, points out our shortcomings, and seeks reform? Or will it be the loud-mouthed opportunist, with their nose up a sponsor's ass, whose discourse consists only of appeals to religious fervor?

What right do we have to complain when those we elect to represent us are the problem?

When times are hard they make it worse

2011-04-27T09:38:00.002+05:00

Ever since the establishment of the Adhaalath controlled Islamic Minitry they have made it their mission to systematically sabotage our national business interests and minimize our revenue. The MDP government (whom I do not support and did not vote for. But it is possibile for them to do at least some good while they bleed the country off its resources and reap the profits like all governments do) has come up with numerous plans to invite investors into the Maldives, to which Adhaalath promptly opposes for some ridiculous reason. (Sometimes they can't even come up with a ridiculous reason)

Adhaalath: it's not Israel, but YOU who are acting like our enemy.

My school Islam teacher told me...

2011-04-10T02:50:00.000+05:00

....to burn the Qur'an if you have to throw one away. Was he trying to get me killed?

Fighting for women's rights!

2011-04-03T21:57:00.001+05:00

I let the chick pay for dinner.

News in brief

2011-03-11T06:26:00.001+05:00

Teen pop star steals whale song, whale sues

Teen sensation Justin Beiber is being sued by a Humpback whale accusing him of plagiarizing its whale song. Beiber denies the allegation in his mother's press release. However, the Humpback Whale claims Beiber heard its song while sailing in the Atlantic Ocean, "I remember because I was on my way to the Arctic for supper," it said.

Due to today's more efficient information sharing technologies, talentless artists are struggling to plagiarize other people's work, and they have had to resort to the animal kingdom for ideas to steal. Cases like this are becoming more and more common in the court rooms, with just last week a captive orangutan successfully suing Canadian-based techno group "Eye Tuky-or shit" for illegally looping its mating calls on one of their songs.

Vegetarian kills man

Lady Fingers, 43, has been arrested for the murder of 26 year-old avid meat-eater Frank Nuggets. Police raided her home after an anonymous tip led them to believe the murder was diet related. Fingers confessed to the murder after investigators used sudden flashes of ingenious insight to determine the perpetrator.

As a young woman, Miss Fingers had vowed to become a vegetarian, believing meat was murder and that all animals must be protected from it.When asked why humans did not fall into that category she replied, "Hah! Humans aren't animals! we wear clothes, see?"

Natural disasters linked to rise in homosexuals: study

2011-01-14T03:39:00.008+05:00

Scientists has revealed startling results from their study of the causes of natural disasters, linking such catastrophes to a worldwide rise in open homosexuality. Lead researcher Sheikh Abdul Hakeem Al Sawari announced the findings in a press conference Thursday. "We used a lot of science, and our investigations concluded that homosexuals are indeed the cause of most natural disasters," said Al Sawari.

The study also found that immoral behavior of other forms can lead to different kinds of retribution from Nature, scientifically confirming Maldivian NGO Jamiyyathul Salaf's claims of women's uncovered heads spurring tsunamis. "But it's mostly just the homosexuals," said Al Sawari.

The research, which started on Tuesday, was carried out using the complex Things-I-Hate-Causes-Everything-Bad principle, commonly abbreviated to TIHCEB among scientific circles.

Sheikh Iqbal Bin Hashim, a scientist not involved with the study but skimmed through the findings, thinks this is a good step towards avoiding natural disasters, which is a leading cause of death right below Jews and vaccines. "We can draft laws to drive them (homosexuals) out of our countries, put them on seperate islands far away from civilization, or at least force them to stay in the closet. Then the natural disasters can and will theoretically occur in their respective islands and closets. At least the people will be safe," he said, fuming, "and I thought I hated fags before."

LGBT groups have lashed out at the researchers, questioning the team's credibility and criticizing their unflattering attire at the press conference. Several LGBT groups organized to present their own paper to scientific journals in response to the study. They used a different, more controversial, scientific approach which is based upon observation and analysis. But reviewers dismissed the paper as biased, "an obvious attempt at protecting their gay crusade," as one put it, and it ultimately went unpublished.

Jamiyyathul Salaf's press release regarding the study read as follows, "See? We told you, BITCH!"

Things will always be in shit

2011-01-08T18:14:00.007+05:00

Change is an intrinsic part of Nature. Nothing stays the same. This principle applies to everything from bacteria to suns and planets.

In matters of public affairs, change should always be in the service of the people. State institutions are ideally established to serve, not a select group of people, but everybody that makes up a country. (and in the broader context, the World)

When people fighting for justice are ostracized, and when truth becomes treason, we are impeding change that is good; change that will ultimately serve everybody, even those who are alienating reformers.

When we outlaw free speech we are denying the very nature of what it is to be human, and choosing instead to remain prisoner of past customs and taboo. A country cannot move forward when it is chained to an iron ball.

I think what happened was that a long time ago some people jumped into a pool of shit. Since then, they did everything they possibly could to ensure that future generations do not come out of it.

Today, We've gotten used to the shit spewed from the mouths of our leaders, and take comfort in the constant whiffs of it we get while going about our daily lives. Such time has passed that we've forgotten it is in fact in shit we're swimming in!

Here I declare that I've lost faith in the Maldivian people. I've been on the verge of losing it for a while now, and it's finally come to pass. I don't know what made me cross over, I don't think it was just one thing. But it feels good not to care.

So, swim away, my friends! But I will still take the ocassional shit on your shit.

Secularism is essential for a stable society

2010-12-09T08:53:00.002+05:00

"Another victim, “Noel”, stated this parents would not believe him when said he was abused. “My mother said: ‘How could you say that about a man of the cloth, a man of God?’ My father gave me a hiding which started in the kitchen and finished in the bedroom.” Full story

Above is an instance of religion preceding family.

Let me demonstrate why this is wrong: A PEDOPHILE WAS RAPING THE KID, and telling them they will go to hell and burn for eternity if they opened their mouth to anybody. The church was protecting the fucker.

We can see that same protection enjoyed by openly jihadist organizations and individuals in Maldives, While those who call for peace and tolerance of alternate beliefs are accused of "spreading hatred" and being "anti-Islam".

Frist of all, NO YOU!

Secondly, religion obviously does not precede everything else in life. Survival, and taking care of family, are some of the things that comes before worship. This is emphasised in Islam, as Allah will not love and respect one who will not work for his own survival, and He will forgive those who missed their prayers as long as their is a valid reason for it. Why? Because LIFE comes first.

Secularism is seen by many as a slap-in-the-face to religion. Some people, I guess, see it as a threat to their faith, because it will allow for practitioners of other faiths to exist. The only reason to be threatened by this is if you see other religions as competing with your own. I believe, even if you don't admit it, you fear the "competition" will eventually dominate and somehow, someway, eat us all alive. This demonstrates nothing but weakness in your faith, and in your resolve to live by true Islamic values.

The world is NOT a jungle of competing religions fighting for dominance, playing the game of hunter and hunted. It's just a jungle, and WE are the players. The best we can do is leave these petty quarrels behind and try to get along. Secularism would be a good step. If you want to (verbally) battle extremism, lets start getting serious.

Julian Assange rapes the United States again

2010-11-30T09:45:00.007+05:00

Somebody tweeted that Wikileaks is what happens when the United States is forced into a full body scan.

And he couldn't have put it better.

Too long have the people been kept in the dark while big governments do whatever they please.

Will serious consequences follow this leakage? Of course, and that's all the better. Now they know how it feels to be strip searched for having a Muslim name (most prevalent criminal profiling method in the U.S.), or for sporting a "suspicious haircut." (criminal profiling in Maldives)

I hope information leakages of this caliber will follow in other nations.

You give too much power to one body of authority and the power corrupts. We've devised a system in which governments are free to carry out illegal clandestine operations. And we're supposed to just sit back and trust them to do what's best for us? I call BULLSHIT. You can't create laws and exempt yourself from them.

We need to keep these rascals in check. The American citizens' collective anuses are sore, and it's time for them to switch places.

Security Alert

2010-11-26T04:56:00.002+05:00

November 26th 2010, Red Notice: The Israelis are coming.
Alert level: Purplish red.

All residents in Male and nearby islands are advised to observe a 9:00pm curfew and to keep their homes locked at all times. Security protocols are to stay in effect until such time as the Israeli "doctors" leave. They are not really doctors. As we reminded you at friday sermon, all Israelis have a biological defect which causes them to turn into two-headed slimy monsters that feed on babies and Muslims. Seriously.

signed
Big Daddy

How many Maldivians does it take to change a lightbulb?

2010-11-24T04:32:00.002+05:00

2.

One to change it, another to consult Ministry of Islamic Affairs on proper procedure.

2010-10-17T00:36:00.003+05:00

"...And the world impoverishes itself by spending a trillion dollars a year on preparations for war, and by employing perhaps half the scientists and high technologists on the planet in military endeavors. How would we explain all this to a dispassionate extra-terrestrial observer? What account would we give of our stewardship of the planet Earth? We have heard the rationale offered by the superpowers. We know who speaks for the nations, but who speaks for the human species? Who speaks for Earth?

From an extra-terrestrial perspective our global civilization is clearly on the edge of failure in the most important task it faces: preserving the lives and well being of its citizens, and the future habitability of the planet. But if we're willing to live with the growing likelihood of nuclear war, shouldn't we also be willing to explore vigorously every possible means to prevent nuclear war? Shouldn't we consider in every nation major changes in the traditional ways of doing things, a fundamental restructuring of economic, political, social and religious institutions? We've reached a point where there can be no more special interest or special cases, nuclear arms threaten every person on the earth.

Fundamental changes in society are sometimes labeled impractical or contrary to human nature. As if nuclear war were practical, or as if there were only one human nature. But fundamental changes can clearly be made, we're surrounded by them. In the last two centuries, abject slavery which was with us for thousands of years has almost entirely been eliminated in a stirring worldwide revolution. Women, systematically mistreated for millennia, are gradually gaining the political and economic power traditionally denied to them. And some wars of aggression have recently been stopped or curtailed because of a revulsion felt by the people in the aggressor nations. The old appeals to racial, sexual and religious chauvinism and to rabid nationalist fervor are beginning not to work. A new consciousness is developing which sees the earth as a single organism, and recognizes that an organism at war with itself is doomed. We are one planet."

Carl Sagan
Cosmos: A Personal Voyage, 1980
Episode 13 "Who Speaks For Earth?"

Message From Concerned Art Lover

2010-10-14T14:28:00.000+05:00

I had the misfortune of hearing a couple of "dhivehi" ....(half-dhivehi, half-hindi?) songs on MNBC One today, and write the following message to all Maldivian mainstream musicians. (As much as it pains me to call many of them musicians)

If you're going to record a song and release it to the public, at least have the decency to sing in tune.

How shameless can one be to prance around calling oneself a singer when they can't even sing in the correct pitch? (in a recording session where you get do overs, I must add)

If you HAVE to plagiarize a foreign song, choose one within your vocal range.

I don't MEAN to be an ass, really, I'm just concerned for your impending humiliation. Actually, you have already humiliated yourself even if you don't know it yet.

Harmony is crucial in a song. I suggest you look into this. I'm not here to teach you or anything, I'm no expert. I just think that you suck.

And I'm guessing I'm not the only one who wants to rip their ears out when some of the women sing from start to finish in falsetto. (Some, albeit rare, recent female singers do not do this. Unoosha is one example)
if you can't sing in your modal voice, you can't sing damn it! Have some fucking standards.

Man Speaks, Offends People

2010-09-11T03:15:00.002+05:00

A man has spoken, offending countless people in the process. Details and real time updates coming up from our reporters in the field.

12:47
Anthony Leatherby, 44, of Liverpool, England, allegedly made a comment to his wife about God's omnipotence. It's not yet clear the details of his statement. Angry mobs outside his home, and locked doors and windows are making it difficult for our reporters to reach him for comment. City officials say riot police have been dispatched "as a cautionary step".

13:05
Offense has popped up in the U.S. , Liberia, Indonesia, Saudi Arabia, and parts of India and South Africa. A Facebook group calling on God to smite down Anthony Leatherby "with like lightning or something," as it says on the group's description, was created within minutes following Leatherby's remarks. A second Facebook group popped up soon after imploring God to check his Facebook.

13:32
Vatican issued a statement proclaiming Pope Benedict 123 is deeply troubled by Leatherby's statement. Pope Benedict 123 denies the claim. Speaking to us over the phone, he assured us he's doing just fine, and that he had no idea who was in charge of speaking for him today, and inquired whether we thought Penny and Leonard would eventually get married in The Big Bang Theory.

14:00
Nobody cares anymore. The Big Bang Theory is on.

Four men arrested for improper table manners

2010-08-26T10:30:00.001+05:00

Four men were arrested Tuesday on charges of improper table manners, Police said in a press conference today.

"We raided Raaveriya restaurant on Tuesday after receiving an anonymous tip about four guys breaking the rules. Since the lawbreakers weren't our own, and being the good policemen that we are, we stepped on it to arrest them LOL. Sorry I've been IM-ing too much lately!," said Sub-Inspector Ali Hakeem.

Witnesses report seeing the men disregard the tradition of saying the Name of Allah before the meal. The chattiest duo of the group were also reported to have continued with their conversation while chewing, spraying food all over themselves and the table. If convicted they could be facing six to eight months in jail, under the recently passed Dining Laws.

Experts (Moosabe from the local market) claim the police operation is just a PR stunt to undo some of the damage done by their failure to clamp down on gang violence.

Department of Social Etiquette was either unwilling, unavailable, or too embarrassed to comment.

My Day In The Criminal Underground

2010-07-14T05:18:00.003+05:00

Drugs, murder, press conferences, and latent homosexuality. The activities of the Maldivian gangs is on an all time high. Canofworms investigates.

I was invited into the main base of a major gang in Male on the condition that I do not reveal their identities. I had heard the dirty alley is the most "happening" gang hangouts in town. I was eager to see it, and walked in briskly.

A flash of light. I was blinded. Never before had I seen such an immense number of jewellery all in one place. I wondered if I made the right call going there, I wondered if I could take it.

The gang was wary at first, but I was soon called in to the leader's domain - sealed off from the rest of the alley by rope and cloth - for a word. Butteray (not real name) told me they were expecting a rival gang any second - dropping by to discuss a fight that occured the previous day between members of both gangs. Apparently they had a quarrel about a girl who wasn't even hot.

Butteray was explaining to me how hot this girl was (she's not, I saw a picture later) when his twitter page informed him of the rival gang's imminent arrival. Then, just as suddenly as the light that blinded me, chaos erupted. Everybody was scurrying about the alley - sharing combs and hair products, exchanging shirts to match their colors, doing some last minute touch-ups using some really handy little pocket mirrors, throwing tantrums about being too drunk to shave that morning, and busting out the bling that would put New York socialites to shame - they had to look their best.

The rival gang arrived looking just as glamorous. The leaders spoke in private for some time before deciding that the dispute be made into a reality show, and use its revenue to recruit neglected kids from around the Maldives in a major PR campaign. They agreed to announce the show in a televised press statement, and parted ways after taking a few seconds to curse and threaten each other's mothers, just for tradition's sake.

"It's always about the kids," said Butteray. His two sons, aged 8 and 11, can already knife an opponent's vital points without fail, given that they are accompanied by at least twenty fellow gang members. The elder son is currently acting as the head of the neighborhood's doorbell ringing racket. His father couldn't be more proud, "When you see him ring that doorbell and throw a bag of feces at it as he flees, it just makes all of this so worth it, you know."

Zakir Nike 'Just Do It' Lectures in Maldives

2010-05-31T04:21:00.001+05:00

Medical doctor Zakir Nike held lectures on Islam at Maafannu Stadium Friday. Nike was invited to the Maldives by Nubehey Kanthah Thakaa Behey Enme Mathee Majlis, officially named Ministry of Islamic Affairs for political purposes.

"People saying 1+1=3 is mean to say illogical. But 1+1=2 I'm saying, and I'm the only peRRRson, so please listen to me," Nike said, presenting his principle argument.

Asked if he liked his stay in Maldives, "I'm an expert!" he yelled totally out of the blue, "it says so on my T-shirt, see?" I did see, and his T-shirt verified he is indeed an expert.

Talking about religious extremism he said, "I have all the time debateded with bishops, monks, philosophers, shops clerks and shoe shiners, all of them very expert, with T-shirt just like this too. I travel over all the world...," he went on to list a bunch of countries and seemed to have forgotten the original question. "1+1=2," he added.

In related news, Maldives Journalists Association is inviting a foreign carpenter to give lectures on Mass Media, aimed at aspiring young journalists. Responding to concerns of incompetency President of MJA Hiriga Zahir said, "Don't worry, he's an expert!"

Hello, Adhaalath? Maldives speaking :D

2010-05-11T14:42:00.003+05:00

You may think that you should be exempt from criticism. But you are wrong.

You are somehow operating under the delusion that you will be able to control the minds of the masses. But you are wrong on that too.

Does free inquiry really pose any threat to Islam? Have you not read any history and learned its value? Or is YOUR twisted version of Islam THAT vulnerable? Uhh, yeah, that must be it. There's no other way to explain your constant attempt to stifle free speech.

Pull your head out of your ass. Stop trying to tell me what I ought to think and what I ought to say or do, because you will never succeed. Just shut the fuck up, for fuck's sake. You're embarrassing the country.

Daycare Disaster

2010-03-24T03:28:00.002+05:00

"I want my mommy!" cried Alhan Fahmy, as he ran out of the bulding, tears flowing copiously. He had been in the midst of a brawl that broke out at the popular daycare center for unruly children, People's Majlis.

Chaos ensued when Ahmed Mahlouf demanded a White Power Ranger doll, which Alhan allegedly stole from him, be returned immediately. "It was a limited edition," said Mahlouf through gritted teeth, makings fists and stamping his feet in indignation.

Parents rushed to the scene to defend their children. "How can they do this to My Pumpkin? He's such a sweet little boy!" cried the mother of one of the children. Others were not so sentimental. Police struggled to keep the angry parents at bay as they attempted to storm the building. However, the police succeeded in maintaining control of the situation and the terrified children were able to have a word with reporters outside.

"I have a boo-boo here," said Shifaq Mufeed, pointing to a scratch barely visible, "...and here," he revealed a wound on his right knee which looked several days old. An interview with his mother revealed that the latter boo-boo was due to a biking accident, as they had recently bought him his first bike and was still learning.

Ali Waheed emerged in the arms of daycare employees, left wrist bandaged, devastated that the bandage hid the Ben 10 tattoo he had gotten last night.

Death Threats

2010-03-12T13:19:00.002+05:00

I may not have a doctorate from the Taliban recruiting grounds in Pakistan, but like most other Maldivians, I was taught Islam as a subject throughout my school years.

We were continuously bombarded with stories of exemplary behavior by Prophet Muhammed: his honesty, magnanimity, tolerance etc.

This is the figure we are supposed to emulate, by some, to extremes, as they are only one step away from importing camels for travel.

However, we seldom see the aforementioned qualities practiced by these fundamentalists. Instead, their character is more akin to a raged alpha male in a gang of chimpanzees.

The highly publicized death threats against journalist Hilath Rasheed is testament to this fact.

"whats the news worthiness of this story? whats the point of jumping up and down cox some anonymous guy wrote something in a website? this all proves the point that you people have an anti-islam agenda…. you people are looking for any chance just to defame and blame islam.
by the way i wont be surprised to know that this article in muraasil was written by this hilath guy just to earn some sympathy and to get an excuse to blame islam," writes a commenter on Minivan News, identified as "u suk".

This is not the first time Hilath Rasheed has received a death threat. He, and many other writers critical of rising fundamentalism, receive them continuously for expressing their views.

If their arguments against your violent and extremist ideals are fallacious, why can't you counter with a better argument? Or is "KILL HIM" your idea of winning a debate? Enlighten me.

The Haraam Meter

2010-02-25T19:07:00.000+05:00

We have been selling alcohol on our soil for a while now. There seem to be no problem in the sale of alcohol at resort islands. But it is the cause of outrage when it is proposed that the business be extended to our cities and other inhabited islands. By the mere act of authorizing the move, the Economic Minister Mohamed Rasheed has automatically been converted to a Gay Atheist Christian Infidel.

Which is why I propose the Holy Highnesses of the revered Adhaalath party to issue a Haraam Meter.

What is a Haraam Meter, you ask?

Haraam Meter will help us lowly commoners distinguish what is only a little haraam (like the sale of alcohol in island resorts) from those that are really haraam. (sale of alcohol in inhabited islands)

Super/ultra haraam, and variations, may be added if necessary for grave cases such as fornication.

Good day.

Rainwater harmless, study reveals

2009-12-27T20:43:00.000+05:00

Researchers at the Department of Meteorology have revealed groundbreaking results from their study of the effects of rainwater on the human body.

"We could not find any adverse effects of rainwater through extensive quantitative and qualitative research. Therefore, we happily announce that rainwater is completely harmless to humans," said head researcher Ibrahim Solah (Ibbe) in a news conference.

When asked why the hell anybody would doubt that rainwater is harmless Ibrahim Solah (Ibbe) said, "Well, I feel it is my duty to inform Maldivians that we can carry on with our normal lives even when it's rainy. Perhaps this study will help us overcome our fear of rain. You know, there's a good case to be made for the notion that we might even find a way to enjoy it, if we didn't fear it so much."

The research, which spanned 8 years, is the longest study ever taken in the Maldives.

"Oh it didn't really take that long, we just took our time so it'll seem like we did a lot of work...," piped in an intern who was inexplicably present, only to be cut off by Ibrahim Solah (Ibbe), who started sweating profusely.

"THANK YOU swee...er, Intern. What he means to say is we worked really hard and the results of the study has been positive, so this is a good day," the last two words more of a growl as he glanced angrily at Intern.

Reports indicate they are super gay and totally doing it.

Only time will tell if we have the will to overcome this fear. Glorious will be the day when we don't scurry like rats at the slightest drizzle.

Ali Rameez has been busy

2009-12-23T18:16:00.000+05:00

After his life of sex, drugs, and plagiarized music it seems he's now taken to telling us what's right and wrong.

I read this article on minivannews and I couldn't help but comment on some of its points.

"The 11 recommendations made by Salaf included removing anything that conflicts with Islam from the education curriculum or subject syllabuses"

Free inquiry is essential for an intelligent and creative community. There goes any chance of us ever producing scientists and intellectuals.

"...making it an offence to spread other religions and openly sell or possess any items that symbolise religious holidays of other religions"

This can be abused. Christian tourists may want to celebrate christmas, and their celebration can be intentionally misconstrued as a way of spreading their religion. You think the Islamic ministry is not that petty? Think again!

"Moreover, the proposed regulations should empower the authorities to check printing presses and bookshops for material in conflict with Islam, and make it an offence to publish such opinions or views in the media."

Authorities should never meddle with the press. Why? Because it is not a crime to communicate. Religion should not be a tool of oppression, and to use it as such makes you a kafir. (lol)

"Furthermore, the regulations should ensure that photos and videos used in advertisements do not clash with Islamic codes of behaviour and make it illegal to introduce elements of foreign cultures that conflict with Islam."

Elements of foreign cultures that conflicts with Islam? Hell, SHAVING conflicts with Islam for YOU guys ...so, well, fuck you.

"Salaf also recommended obligating non-Muslim visitors to inhabited islands to adhere to a code of dress and conduct appropriate to an Islamic environment."

May I also suggest subjecting them to a compulsory anti-septic shower on entry to every island? Don't wanna get kafir western germs on us, do we? (unless of course the germs convert)

"Salaf’s recommendations further call for specifying penalties for those who openly “challenge or defy” God, his Prophet or Islamic shariah, and make it an offence to disrespect the Prophet or his companions."

Don't you people realize how arrogant you sound? You are proposing that it be a crime (which it already is, I think?) to disagree with you.
Why shouldn't one disagree with you?
Why shouldn't one disagree with me?
Why shouldn't everybody disagree with everybody?

The point is, we all think, and we're all different - hence, we all think different. Give me a good reason why one should not be allowed to think for oneself, and make whatever decision one thinks is right for him/her.

Lets say, for example, a Maldivian somehow chose to become a Hindu. And lets say he "disrespected" the prophet and his companions. What happens then?

Nothing.
Except these extremist vermin get some sort of sick satisfaction from vengeance, and take away ones life just for uttering a few words.
Blasphemous they might be, but they are still just words, and it's childish to make a big deal out of them.

He said she said the world is gonna end

2009-12-05T18:49:00.000+05:00

Hello guys, and female guys. You gullible idiots.

Can you please shut the fuck up about "doomsday theories"? Seriously, it's embarrassing to even listen to you people.

Try to get this into your head - IT'S BULLSHIT.
It's so untrue, and so unscientific, that no thinking person even considers what ancient astrologers (or even contemporary astrologers) say.

YES, that's what the super intelligent and ultra-knowledgable Mayans did: astrology.

You know those horoscopes that are supposed to predict what happens to you but instead uses vague descriptions of what you should do in any given social circumstance? That's astrology. Do you really think that we're of so much significance in this universe that the movement of the planets and stars are based on our actions?

So, the Mayans looked at the stars. But they were no scientists. They derived the wrong conclusions from their study of the stars, just like the modern astrologers. Mayan predictions were their equivalent of today's horoscopes.

These "theories" are so full of shit that I think debunking them would be a big waste of time. (but you can click here for NASA's* article on 2012) Just try not to believe EVERY thing you read and hear. Try to assess the information, distinguish the bullshit from fact (sniffing might help, anyting based on astrology reeks of shit), and try not to be so gullible. That way you won't feel so stupid when nothing happens on December 21, 2012.

*NASA is a huge organization comprised of many many scientists, whose knowledge of the universe is said to rival that of the Mayans.

Man loses job over twitter

2009-11-15T17:32:00.000+05:00

Those of you who have been following the blogosphere will remember the internet exploits of a Gar* man, with the screen name of Epic Loser, breaching customer privacy while being employed at Raajje Online.

For those that did not click on the link above, this guy, also known as I.M. Saeed, goes into homes of ROL customers' homes ostensibly to connect their computers to the web. But his true intention is not to help us download porn at slow speeds, no, far from it. What he really intends to do is investigate ......yes, you guessed it: whether ROL customers masturbate or not.

Epic Loser was fired soon after he posted derogatory comments against Hilath. Above is a screenshot of his twitter page, sulking, after he was fired.

This might be the first time a person was fired in Male over twitter. And with ignorance of the most common codes of decency and ethics pervading our islands nation, he won't be the last of the proud and unprofessional deputies of the clandestine Wank Police getting fired for carrying out their investigations on their real jobs.

________________

*Gar: A term used towards male characters and individuals who are so overwhelmingly manly that your own masculinity is absolutely *buried*, leaving you naught but a whimpering, swooning girl-child before them.

Suck it, Britney.

2009-11-07T08:35:00.000+05:00

I wish I was born right after World War II. Then I'd have been just the right age for the 60s and 70s, when music actually had some standards.

Sure, it's always about the money when bands go commercial even then. But the poetic genius of the lyrics of Robert Plant and Pink Floyd far exceeds the SHIT we hear in songs today about a guy's reassurances to his "bitches" that his penis is in fact very large (his gun and hummer being proof of it), and that he could "go on all night" unlike "all da otha niggas".

Jimi Hendrix's talent, and the creativity of Deep Purple's pioneering rock music, are miles above what dominates the radios today: R&B and hip-hop "artists" who uses auto voice tuners because, thanks to their immense talent, they can't even sing a note in pitch.

It seems the Australian people are not afraid to demand some class when they spend their well earned money on business gimmicks, thinly veiled as "artists" and "musicians", such as Britney Spears.....and, you know, 99% of today's the mainstream music scene. Click for story.

The Australian government is even demanding full disclosure from singers who lip-synch so that the people know what they are paying for. It's about time somebody did something against these fakers *coughE' handhaanugaacough* !

Hypocrisy: An Accepted Norm.

2009-10-30T06:01:00.000+05:00

"It says right there in Islamic law that the hands of thieves must be cut, and murderers killed. What is Anni playing at? This is an Islamic nation," she ranted.

To which I pointed out how those punishments were not carried out even under Maumoon rule.

"That may be so, but we mustn't disrespect it so much as to not even include these punishments on paper. Carrying them out is another case!"

To which I could not make a reply, only marvel at the blatant hypocrisy she suggested that we practice, as if there wasn't any problem with it.

Hypocrisy is rampant in the Maldives, so much so that it has now become an accepted norm. Whatever you may do in practice, make sure you put up a noble and moral face to the masses, which is all that matters. The inconsistencies of your actions and your rhetoric may be disregarded, so long as you don the gloves of righteousness in the eyes of the people.

Why couldn't she concede that corporal punishments like amputation or stoning is too inhumane a punishment for our times, especially when we have prisons to isolate criminals from society?
Why do we have to "put it on paper" if we are content with not honoring its word?

Because it is part of who we are, our national identity.

We have a tendency to avoid facing realities and live in a fairytale world which just seems much easier to deal with.

My daughter is being sexually abused? Oh, it simply cannot be true, I refuse to believe it! My life is much better without knowledge of such a thing! Lets pretend you didn't say anything. (This actually happens, refer to this post, and check out the comments as well which are very revealing)

Whatever goes on inside is shrugged off as irrelevant, deluding oneself that as long as everything is in order "on paper", it's just fine. It's when these things get out into the eyes of the public, ever watchful in desperation to quench their thirst for gossip, that we have to deal with whatever issue we've happily ignored until that time.

I think it's time we abandon this urge to conserve the illusion of social stability - speak our minds, gather the strength to face what our Maldivian instinct tells us to avoid, in hopes of achieving true social stability: a people who are sincere and transparent in their rhetoric.

A message to the people

2009-10-21T01:38:00.000+05:00

MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS!

Is that so hard to do?

What satisfaction do you get from nosing into other people's lives?

Can't you people just respect one's individuality and let him/her be, given that one does not harm another?

How is it relevant to your life if somebody holds a particular belief, or leads a differing lifestyle?
Are these people going into your home and corrupting you and your loved ones?

Is not Islam about peace?

It is, you say?
How do you expect to achieve peace? By silencing dissent? Murdering apostates, Jews, and homosexuals?

Then you must ask yourselves - is that truly peace?

So I say again: MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS. And believe me, you'll be doing yourself and others a favor. (just observe how your life improves as you focus more on it, rather than others')

PS. a huge FUCK YOU to DJ majeed and the gang.
And I praise Anni for trying to promote human rights.

PPS. Adhalaath sucks hairy balls.

Breaking news: Brad spotted getting mail

2009-10-12T18:50:00.000+05:00

Brad Pitt was spotted getting mail from his mailbox, reports Paparazzi Without Borders.

Clad in a maroon Calvin Klein dressing gown, he reportedly came out of his house at approximately 8:30AM holding a folded newspaper in one hand, walked up to the mailbox and took out his mail, before going back in taking no notice of the plethora of stalkers outside of the gates.

"Obviously he's expecting some super important mail," commented Jonathan Mann, top CNN political analyst, speaking from the phone. "I literally leapt up from shock at the news - a Calvin Klein maroon dressing gown? Yuck! I owned one sometime back in 2005, but I immediately threw it out as it went out of fashion the following week. I just couldn't let my housekeeper and gardener see me in it anymore. And he's reading the news?! I don't even do that! Where the hell is Angelina?!"

That was a good question. Where IS Angelina?

I managed to reach career gossipist Ted Casablanca for his expert opinion. "Oh, she could be anywhere. The question we must ask ourselves is why is Brad fetching mail and reading the news at that hour in the first place? Are they not having clothes-ripping, vase-smashing, hollywood style hot morning sex anymore? Perhaps so."
However, after wearing the most unconvincing expression of serious reflection on his face for a few seconds, he added, "Or maybe she was just taking that really long morning pee..."

As speculation arose that Angelina Jolie excretes bodily wastes just like the ordinary average human, paparazzi has ever since been with diligent effort attempting to place a camera inside Jolie's bathroom to film it. "The competition is fierce. Everybody wants to be the first to film this unheard of event so they'll be credited with its discovery," shared a paparazzo who wished to remain anonymous, while testing a camera which resembled a towel hanger.

TMZ has remained silent on the issue, as their pride was hurt in failing to report this significant development in the A-list movie star's life first.

Meanwhile, reports have been coming in of Lindsay Lohan planning to go grocery shopping tomorrow. Stay tuned for exciting pictures of Lindsay walking to her car!

A lion ate my homework

2009-09-16T07:49:00.000+05:00

Celebrities make the lamest excuses for their idiotic behavior, don't they?

"LOS ANGELES, California (CNN) -- Kanye West appeared to blame the pain of his mother's death two years ago for his "rude" behavior at Sunday's MTV Video Music Awards."

Riiiiight.

Mom dies. Son acts out 2 years later. Very likely.

oh and did you know that Chris Brown has no recollection whatsoever of beating up Rihanna?
Lol.

So this guy (according to police statement) punched her several times, put her in a headlock, suffocated her, threatened to kill her, bit her ear, bit her fingers, and just forgot about it. Like he was the traumatized victim here.

And the cycle just goes on and on.

All you have to do to recover your public image after experiencing an incident which totally wrecks it is:

1 - Appear on TV (preferably on the verge of tears)
2 - Apologize (repetition encouraged)
3 - Provide an excuse (stupid and irrelevant ones will do, you're a celebrity after all)
4 - Proceed to making tons of money again

EDIT: Obama calls kanye jackass. LOL

Child bride dies after days in labor

2009-09-15T03:05:00.000+05:00

"A 12-year-old Yemeni girl, who was forced into marriage, died during a painful childbirth that also killed her baby, a children's rights group said Monday." - CNN

Do we really need a religious extremist's take on the matter?
Child marriages are wrong, and that's that!

No girl that young would want to be married off to men decades older than them, and the parents are sick to force their daughters into this kind of torture.

Child marriage being common in those cultures is no excuse, because what makes it a cultural thing are the individuals forcing their daughters into these business arrangements, at the expense of their childhood, and in this case, the victim's life.

It's somewhat comforting to see, here in Maldives, not all public figures are turning a blind eye to the Adhaalath's extremist propaganda campaign, fueled by their political power by having a whole ministry at their disposal.

It's no secret they're extremists. It's no secret that they have no trouble distorting Islamic teachings when it's for their benefit. It's no secret they support terrorist organizations, or that they want to legalize child abuse.

So why are people still listening to them? Do we want to become an extremist state like Afghanistan in its Taliban era?

I don't know about you, but I'm fucking pissed.

It's over now

2009-09-08T03:42:00.000+05:00

We see all over the globe the most heinous of crimes occuring constantly everyday. Kidnapped children abused and murdered, genocides, raped men and women, families robbed of their livelihood, the Adhaalath giving us science lessons etc. But the above mentioned, as horrible as they may be, pale in comparison to what had shocked the world and had us screaming for justice the past few weeks.

No longer will we wake up to the darkness, and gaze out the window with a sorrowful stare, wondering how this world came to be so cruel, where injustice runs rampant, and Fazeela gets on TV just to shriek into a microphone.

Today, the morning is brighter, the grass greener, the scent of the gardens sweeter, and the people happier, for today, justice has been served. That femme fatale will terrorize us no longer!

I am of course talking about the Sudanese journalist Lubna al-Hussein.

She was prosecuted for..........................................*this is me hesitating to mention such an abhorrent crime* .................................. wearing pants.

I know, like, wtf, RYT!?

How she committed such an atrocity, with complete indifference to how many erections it may have caused, is beyond my knowledge.

She is currently in jail after refusing to pay a fine. She initially faced 40 lashes.

In light of this development, I could not contain my excitement. So I took to the streets and asked a few pedestrians their view on this truly disturbing pant-case.

"I found myself overwhelmed with temptation at the thought. Only after 2 days of non-stop hardcore eastern European porn did things calm down for me." said Abdullah Ali, 54, a small business owner, when asked his reaction to the news.

"I caught my children looking at pictures of her wearing pants," said Mariyam Fathloonuli, 38, mother of four. "I punished them, and I prayed this evil, evil woman would go to prison and rot for corrupting my children."

Alas, it's over now. Tonight we rest easy knowing for sure that Lubna-al-Hussein is wearing ANYTHING but pants.

Honor killing paradox

2009-07-30T22:25:00.000+05:00

"According to police in Gaza, the father, Jawdat al-Najar, heard his daughter Fadia, 27 year old mother of five, who had divorced in 2005, speaking on the phone with a man. He believed she was having a relationship with him. Police say al-Najar became enraged and beat her to death; her body was brought to a hospital where officials said she died of a skull fracture.
The woman was beaten to death in the northern Gaza neighborhood of Jebalya on Thursday night. The father called police and confessed to the murder.

According to investigators for the Gaza-based Al Mezan Center for Human Rights, the father and his three sons were taken into police custody. They said the killing "was carried out on grounds related to 'preserving' the honor of the family." - CNN

How is it honorable to kill the mother of 5 children?
How is it honorable to kill your own daughter?
Now that he killed his daughter the family's honor is upheld?

Jawdat al-Najar, help me find the honor in it, please.

Girl commits suicide fearing punishment, government takes idiotic steps to avoid future incidents

2009-07-30T06:22:00.000+05:00

"COLOMBO, July 28, 2009 (AFP) - Sri Lanka has banned students from taking mobile phones to school following the suicide of a teenager disciplined for using her telephone, an education ministry spokesman said on Tuesday. All schools were ordered to impose the ban after a 14-year-old girl -- reprimanded over telephone contact with a boy during school last week -- hanged herself, the spokesman said. Another student from the same school in the capital Colombo attempted suicide after receiving a similar reprimand." - Taken from Haveeru Online

It seems ludicrous that a girl would commit suicide just for being reprimanded for using a phone in school. But that's what the article implies.

How would that scenario play out, I wonder?

*14 year old girl calls boy*: Hi baby, I like you.
Teacher: Girl! Put that phone away NOW!
14 year old girl: Oh I'm so sorry. *hangs self*
....

I just don't see that happening.

I speculate it was more due to the cultural stigma in conservative Sri lankan society associated with young girls getting invovled with the opposite sex. Here's why -

"Both students were reportedly afraid that they would receive a severe punishment and be reported to their parents." - From BBC

The young girls acted on a whim because they were afraid of their parents.
Apparently in Sri Lanka some parents incite such fear in their kids that they would rather face death than deal with a minor disciplinary issue.

And here I was thinking parents were supposed to be the people that loved you and made you feel safe (safe as in, you know....alive).

Beating kids is pretty common in most South Asian societies. I remember the few years I spent in India as a kid, I went to school there, and the teachers used to beat us with sticks. The pitiful scene of a crying 7-8 year old kid begging for mercy whilst being beated down repeatedly with a stick has been etched on my mind since the day I witnessed it.

While I'm not sure if these barbaric disciplinary methods are practiced in Sri Lankan schools (though I've heard from word of mouth it IS practiced in some schools, which is not at all surprising), I think it's safe to assume that those young girls were looking to avoid a good ol' fashioned child beating session - courtesy of "loving" mother and father.

Yet the Sri lankan government is blaming this on mobile phones? Those little electronic devices that do not hit you when you err?!

It has gone far enough

2009-07-21T02:58:00.000+05:00

Jaariyas?
No wait, UNDERAGE JAARIYAS?!

What the fuck?

(FYI: Jaariyas are concubines. Read full story on Hilath's blog linked above.)

It's high time all muslims quit hiding and speak out against the extremist bullies. They do not have the upper hand just because they can deem condemnation of their human rights abuses "unislamic". In fact, they can't.

Who knows how many other little girls are being kept as sex slaves? Why did Anni give an openly extremist party political power? The Adhaalath cronies are doing their utmost best to spread THEIR extremist interpretation of the Quran throughout the nation - and with Maldivians' trademark gullible nature it won't be long before (underage) Jaariyas are commonplace!

The sad case of Mr. Richard Wu Mei De

2009-07-07T09:10:00.000+05:00

For those of you who haven't already, I implore you to direct your attention towards Mr. Richard Wu Mei De's blog.

In short, he was subjected to 15 years of arbitrary detention. After numerous failed attempts while in prison to have the case investigated and the government held responsible, he was released earlier this year on February and is seeking justice.

Man has small penis, feels inadequate, beats up wife.

2009-07-05T17:17:00.000+05:00

Yes, really.

So anybody think vanilla ice cream is better than chocolate ice cream? Come say it to my face, I'll fucking massacre you!

One in four South African men are rapists - survey

2009-07-01T10:26:00.000+05:00

Clickety.

"I would tell myself that there is nothing I want in life that I can't get, even a beautiful woman because when you try your luck with them, their response makes you feel like you are nothing. That's why we decide to do things like this, having sex with them forcefully." - Anonymous rapist

Raping women makes him feel like he's something? So these rapists are people who have extremely low self esteem, I never thought of it this way. Thank you anonymous interviewee rapist. :D

I'm sure you all have noticed the influx of sexual abuse cases in OUR media as of late.

A decade ago one wouldn't even hear the word "rape" in a common Maldivian household. However, today we are slowly breaking the taboo, and are starting to talk about it. We're learning that not everything that needs to be talked about has to be pleasant or....you know, mindless gossip.
I think it's going towards a good direction. Fuck you, social taboos.

R.I.P. Michael Jackson

2009-06-26T03:38:00.000+05:00

I learned some really cool dance moves from you as a kid.

And even though you were a little crazy, no one can deny your talent as a performer.

May there be 72 under-age virgin boys waiting for you in the after life.

Later.

Transformers 2 racist

2009-06-26T03:15:00.000+05:00

Check this out.

Apparently Michael Bay is racist for having cast 2 robot characters that talk like rappers in Transformers 2.

This is one of America's double standards.

Why does this only become a problem when a WHITE GUY depicts black stereotypes?

Isn't the 2004 movie Soul Plane racist also?
oh no, it starred only blacks. Black people can make themselves look as stupid as they like, and it's all just good and fun comic relief. (FYI, it wasn't good and fun comic relief because the movie sucked. Big time.)

I recall there being a magazine cover controversy a few months ago, because printed in it was a photo of a black sportstar flexing his muscles and looking really angry.

Yes, that is also racist. It perpetuates the stereotype that black people are always angry and flexing their muscles, when in reality all African-Americans have truly been americanized into being 9 year old girls who gets ticked off by EVERY LITTLE THING.

"Mommy! Mommy! His great grandfather bought MY great grandfather, he is a racist bastard!"

Stupid Moms, Twisted Horny Assholes, and Aishaths

2009-03-10T06:20:00.000+05:00

This story prompted me to post this.
4 men, one of them the victim's stepfather, gang raped a 17 year old.

I was recently told by a friend, lets call her Aishath, the story of how her mom's new fiance keeps threatening to rape her. Sometimes in front of family members. And they do nothing.

This guy, lets call him Twisted Horny Asshole, after numerous threats, attempted to sexually abuse her one night while she slept. That is until she woke up to see him fleeing and her pyjamas all the way up to her neck.

Aishath of course tells her mom (lets call her mom Stupid Mom) of Twisted Horny Asshole's threats and attempt(s), but Stupid Mom, blinded by love, chooses not to protect her daughter, she instead chooses to protect her need for a man by her side holding her hand, no matter how sick and demented this man may be. I have tried numerous times and failed to see the sense in her decision from a mother's point of view, is it completely out of the realm of possibilities that Aishath's claims are true? Shouldn't Stupid Mom trust her daughter's word, and not the word of some guy she met only recently? Aren't mothers supposed to protect their children from sickos like Twisted Horny Asshole? Even if she for some reason does not completely trust Aishath's word, shouldn't Aishath rank a wee bit higher up than Twisted Horny Asshole?

Is this how bad the relationship business has gotten that people are so afraid of being "alone" they can't even consider the fact that their partner may be abusing their children?
Or is it the typical Maldivian mentality that shrugs off sexual abuse as nothing serious? Only Stupid Mom knows.

Pacifism

2009-03-04T22:56:00.000+05:00

I am a pacifist. Go ahead, call me a coward, tell me it's against our nature. I don't care. But can one truly, reasonably justify violence?

We are privileged to be the smartest beings on the planet. We, unlike our earthly counterparts consisting of millions of other species, are conscious of our existence and impending demise. We have devised means by which to communicate the products of our superior consciousness. We contrive ingenious tools to better our lives, make work easier, enhance our productivity, and copulate just for the fun of it without the consequential offspring. So, yes, we are superior to other animals in many ways. But not all.
They don't kill their kind for personal gain. A herd of lions don't go to war with another herd just because the latter prefers zebra meat to buffalo. In the words of the late great George Carlin, when was the last time you heard of a chicken coming home from work and beating the shit out of his hen, huh?! Never happens.

But we humans are supposed to be chosen from God, we have a divine right over the "lesser" denizens of our planet. God gave us intelligence over them. We are humans, we don't act like animals - people like to say all this, but they never live up to it, because these same people are the first to claw and bite at their own kind at the first sign of a, mostly trivial, dispute. Makes me think if God gave us intelligence to identify the most critical points of attack (vital organs etc), or perhaps to grasp such concepts as torture, hm?

Resorting to violence is an insult to our intelligence, and our capability to negotiate and compromise. It shows nothing but our lack of compassion towards our fellow species, our lack of sympathy towards their pains. If you can undress that hot waitress in your mind last night while you were on your date, you can sure as hell use your commendable powers of imagination to put yourself in another's shoes. After that, bring in the waitress into the picture, and/or your date, get a little creative. See? It's fun too!

These sad little gangs in our tiny little islands killing their counterparts, the pests of our society, the governments that go to war, the religious extremists that START the war, the individuals that comprise all of these organizations are the stupidest, the most incompassionate animals on the planet. You suck. Violence we can do without.

Respect Donkeys

2009-02-15T18:23:00.000+05:00

This is an advertisement on Indian television.

It starts off with a donkey relaxing on a carriage, a rather prehistoric-looking one, pulled by the coachman chimp. The donkey eventually decides to give the chimp a break, which is when the chimp finds a mentos lying on the ground. So the chimp picks it up and eats it. He gets a sudden jolt of energy and jogs forward. He starts rapidly evolving into a man while overcoming obstacles, killing dinosaurs with one blow of his club etc. Apparently he was going around in circles because he then arrives at the place where the donkey, his master, rested. After a shocked look from the donkey, the scene changes into one in which the prehistoic man is resting on the carriage whipping his former master, the donkey, while it struggles to pull the carriage.

The text below reads "Donkeys are not intended to be working animals".

Yeah, like a donkey might see this commercial and get pissed off, right? then what is it gonna do, sue them? It's not like India is the United States where disgruntled donkeys MIGHT stand a chance in a court room!

TVM hits a new low: Teen.mv

2009-02-13T12:38:00.000+05:00

This has got to be the worst show on Television for Morons right now. Yes, the teledramas included. I've had the displeasure of watching 2 episodes of the brain cell killing pathogen that is Teen.mv, so I know what I'm talking about!

One completely useless segment of the show I forced my eyes to watch: Hairstyles.
I can understand highlighting famous hairstyles on a teen TV show, what with all the teens obsessed with their looks. But all I saw was image after image of the weirdest hairstyles, most probably taken from the internet, set on the screen one after the other. I glanced sideways hoping to get a comment from my cousin, only to see my elbow blocking him from view. Apparently subjecting my eyes to the horrors before me was so much so that I subconciously covered my ears to spare it any suffering. Tentatively, afraid of the consequences, I lowered my arms. I heard (really bad) music. No comments on the hairdos, nothing. They didn't even bother to put up names of those haircuts, probably because that might actually help a viewer wanting to get one of them, wouldn't want that.
...Well, ok. Perhaps google images didn't provide them with any names.

Ah, then comes the teen talent......or star...talented star? ....well, I don't know, something about talented teens, segment. Here they interview a teen with a talent each week.
One week, I was lucky enough to catch this one actually, there was an emo boy with an emo hairdo who drew pretty well.They were really good emo drawings, as I remember.
After a fruitless interview they start at it again - yep, putting up pictures on the screen. Now THAT's entertainment! This time it was photos of the emo artist, you know those facebook-type photos where they pose weird poses and takes shots from tricky angles to hide pimples and the width of their faces? Yeah, those. Never fails in making me chuckle.

Then there came, on the same "the teen talent......or star...talented star? ....well, I don't know, something about talented teens, segment" from another week, the 19 year old married dancer guy.
I would like to take this opportunity to express my deep respect for this super-stud. It's people like you who are keeping us proud of our country, when we have so little to be proud of. Good job in setting a great example for our youth across the country, and lets hope they all follow in your footsteps and MARRY YOUNG! We can't have those divorce rates plummeting now, can we? No, hopefully we'll never face such shame. keep it up!

Speaking of stupid teens, we mustn't forget the discussion segment of the show! Or as I like to call it: pointing out the obvious and saying nothing new segment. They touch on such interesting topics as ...... ..... oh who am I kidding, even I can't sit through them!

Maldivian History

2009-02-10T16:32:00.000+05:00

This has been bugging me lately.
Why isn't it properly taught in school (please don't bring up the 7th grade Social Studies textbook)? Why wasn't I taught who first settled here?
Hell, I only recently observed the many similarities between Dhivehi and the Sinhalese tongue, I was then told that ancient Sinhalese from Sri Lanka were the first to settle in the archipelago. After years of Maldivian schooling, this came from a friend.

What are they trying to hide? That our ancestors practiced idolatry? So what?! Is this some dark piece of history we ought to forget? why?

We're (probably, i'm no expert) a fairly new, albeit small, civilization, and we have here the opportunity to trace our history, study it, learn from it, and establish an identity rich in culture and interesting history. Perhaps then we might be "Proud to be Dhivehin", eh?
If we have people to change and edit our history to their liking, as they did with Nasir, surely we can assign some people to accumulate and investigate some REAL history, not some shit that happened a few decades ago. If only they weren't scared shit of it for inexplicable reasons.

Now, the anti-west freaks our islands are congested with will have to excuse me for bringing up the west, but look at the United States. They teach their students its history in rich detail, without wasting time on lame poorly thought out folk stories *cough*rannamaari*cough*, as a result, their youth love their country and their identity, probably more than we do ours (generally speaking), regardless of how sucky their governments are/have been.
And look at the great rulers of old England. The English acknowledge the good and bad things attributed to their rule, like how King Henry VIII executed 2 of his wives, or the fact that his creation of a new church sparked violent conflicts between the catholics for years - they accept all of that about their history and they're doing pretty good by the looks of it, wouldn't you say?

So why do we need to dismiss anything negative about our past rulers?
The day Ibrahim Nasir died, TVM broadcasted nothing but tribute to the ex-president, and they had people talking about his EATING HABITS while completely ignoring more significant topics of his rule. Not a peep from the old geezer for 30 years and then BAM! he dies, suddenly becomes a hero, and all is forgotten!
Except his favorite afternoon snack, of course.

By the way, History would probably rank amongst my least favorite academic subjects, but the lack of it in an average Maldivian student's curriculum is sad and it does have its consequences.
Thank god for the internet, atleast now one can inquire into one's own curiousity freely and much more conveniently.

Getting Started ...or not.

2008-12-12T12:29:00.000+05:00

Hello viewers of look! a blog!, mainly consisting of bots as of yet, I guess ......and that's if I'm lucky.

It matters not.
This is just a test post, as I've never done this before. I ought to check out how all of this works before I get started (assuming I will, no guarantees though, not much of a writer).
ciao